Cocoon of Reflection

August 1st, 2016:

The past six months of the year, I found myself protected and nurtured in a cocoon of introspective processing of the events that the sun had set on late last year.

These events excited me, scared me, exposed me and broke me open.

This cocoon allowed me to rest and reflect. It looked like borderline hermit mode, unplanned fits of “growing pains” crying, reading more and taking an amazing class that my spiritual center at the time offered called 50 Days to Fearless Living. I put many of my reoccurring thoughts under review and shed the ones that didn’t serve my greater good or made me feel bad. I came to revelations about myself, my worth and what I want.

I came to many self affirming, truth filled conclusions.

I need to remind myself more that this isn’t a race, it’s a journey and 99.9% of  any perceived bad things are temporary. The Universe is generous; we get infinite chances. Why do you think a tomorrow and the day after exists?

No doesn’t always mean no forever, just not right now or this isn’t a good fit and something better is on the horizon. 

My life is an adventure with twists and turns, crazy high advances and roller coaster style drops, bobbing and weaving, dancing and bouncing- but if I can get out of bed each day then I cannot be broken. I am indestructible. I don’t break, I bounce. My life is a story; a tapestry that is far from finished. Nothing is ever the end, it’s merely another section of the tapestry; only another chapter in the book. Yesterday’s gone and there is always right now and tomorrow. Just breathe. Take deep breaths and then go do something fun or relaxing for at least 5 minutes of your time.

Life is right now because my past right now brought me to my current right now. So if I want my future to be epic, I had better make my right now sensational and filled with dance breaks and slides down rainbows.

Transit Musings: Surrender

Good Wednesday morning! 

Surrender

A word and action that has been coming through to me as of late.

When the divine message came to me, I immediately knew what the surrendering was specifically talking to. I have three main desires this year and I was very attached to them. I know and practice the Law of Attraction and the teachings of Abraham Hicks, Florence Scovel Shinn, Eckharte Tole, etc. but I am in this human experience and can be forgetful. I need and appreciate reminders. 

This message of surrender was my reminder. 

The things I want the most I often hold tighter to for fears that I won’t get it. Well, I haven’t received anything I ever truly wanted operating this way. Acting in this way has always resulted in receiving things I didn’t want, frustration, anxiety or self doubt. When I would finally tire and throw my hands up to let go is when, in the blink of an eye, the very thing I wanted would slip into my life quickly and effortlessly. 

Sunday night, laying in bed, I surrendered those three desires. It was a dull ache clutching them. It wasn’t fun clutching them. 

So I decided to throw them into the sky like confetti and let them rain down on me in a sparkly puddle. 

What is for me cannot be lost. 

So if I let go of the desire/s, to let the Universe work out the timings and how’s and unfoldings, then it WILL come to me. And, in my experiences, it always comes to me way better, easier and seamlessly than I ever thought it would. 

I feel spiritually lighter already. The Hudson River didn’t part for me or anything but it felt good to release any straggling worry or anxiety. Everything I want is coming to me, I just have to remember to allow it. Don’t do for it or worry about it, allow it in. 

The stuff I want the most, I need to surrender the most. 

Sunday night I threw my three desires into the air like confetti and glitter and am excited to see how they will fall into place for me this year. 

I surrender. 

I am free. 

Transit Musings: Vulnerability 


Happy Friday! Good Friday morning. Cheers to the freakin weekend! This morning’s commute has me thinking about vulnerability. It’s been a big theme in my life recently. 

I don’t remember the exact day last week Infinite Spirit told me that I need to explore vulnerability; I need to be more vulnerable immediately. I was hoping it wasn’t saying that but it kept sending messages confirming that’s what it was. So I listened. 

It’s why some friendships and almost all of my previous romantic relationships ended. I wasn’t as open as I could be out of fear of being hurt or appearing foolish. But at 33, having been ‘hurt’ multiple times and appeared foolish multiple times, what I’m learning about being hurt or appearing foolish is that neither will kill you. Life will not freeze for you. Kids will keep growing. Taxes are still due and flowers will keep being flowers. There is still work to be done. 

Being vulnerable only feels scary because people have said it is scary and we believed them. But I just talked about how being hurt won’t kill us so what are we really afraid of then? 

I’d rather be vulnerable than let resentment build and suppressed anger naw away at me like a piranha. I have been notorious for doing both and it has never ended well. While I appeared cool and unaffected, I was crumbling inside. One comment away from it all caving in. 

I once had an ex say to me, “If something is bothering you, SAY SOMETHING.” He wanted me to open up and share my authentic self but I was so scared to look, what I felt was, foolish.

Do I want to look ok or do I want to BE ok? 

I spent many years looking ok. 

It’s time to 100% BE ok. Create a safe space for me and those in my life to share how we feel and do the work to move through feelings that don’t feel good to us. Don’t ignore the no feel good feelings, acknowledge them and MOVE THROUGH them. 

All feelings are are information if we are in alignment with what we want or not. 

I think for a long time, i was afraid to explore certain feelings for fear that I would get stuck in them, never to come out and my life would be doomed. Or that in sharing these feelings the other person or love interest would never want to talk to me or be with me ever again. I saw other people portray these feelings I deemed as undesirable and didn’t want to end up like them. It sounds silly now but it was a real rational thought to me for a long time. But I am not those people, I am Milan and I don’t have to live in any emotion that I don’t want to. And the people who truly love me will not leave my life so easily. We would be able to have more meaningful relationships. 

So since this divine message, I have allowed opportunities to be vulnerable. I haven’t gone on a witch hunt for them, that is not necessary, but when the opportunities arrive I will welcome them in for tea. 

I feel lighter. 

I feel free. 

Transit Musings 

My time, these days, is all over the place; so much so that when I have time at home, all I want to do is Netflix and drink merlot paired with margarita pizza. 

I spend a lot of time commuting places so I figured why not write little bits then? I become a clouded person if I can’t write consistently. I have to blood let all of this awesomeness regularly. 

Welcome to the birth of transit musings, short pieces of my mind. The challenge: I write them during my commute to work, home from somewhere or to another destination but I have to finish a piece before or by the time my commute is up.

Maybe I will try to do this daily for a period of time. 

Today’s soundtrack into work is a classic, Donuts by J Dilla. I always knew of Dilla but as of late I am more into his work and how talented and intuitive of a producer and creative being that he was. I feel his smiling, concentration and love of music in his work. 

This morning, as I bop to Dilla beats, I am reminded how much I love enjoying the works of people who feel good about what they are doing. You can tell in the product and service if a person had fun creating it or not. This doesn’t just apply to creative related things either. This is any and everything. 

For example, there are sanitation workers out there who enjoy what they do. Yes, there are. Happiness and fulfillment has many faces and scenarios. Sanitation is an important job; do we want to think of what life would be like without it? There are sanitation workers who hum and joke around and work well with their counterparts and say hi to the neighborhood residents outside. 

I enjoy being a writer. I enjoy the random spasms of inspiration that hit me from out of nowhere and stop me in my tracks. I know that readers can feel my joy in what I create. 

Well my stop is next. The work day begins. 

Stay inspired and do more things you enjoy.